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sbestangel
Posts:1
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Posted:08/06/2006 5:01 PM |
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I have attended BRCC for about a year and support you financially but have never joined because I have kept searching for that church that reaches out and I felt I would know when I found it. I attended church to today and was touched by Pastor Dave's message so maybe I am getting my sign that BRCC is home.
I lost my spouse in April, 2006 after 28 years of marriage. I was a care taker for the last 3 years of the marriage. Prior to the that it was an abusive marriage of both physical and mental abuse. I left several times but always went back at the urging of my son. Then after my spouse got sick I stuck it out and did the right thing. I stuck by him and took care of him while being the sole financial provider for our family. I had no emotional support from him either. I had no intimacy or relationship with my spouse the last 3 years. While many said put him in a home, I stuck it out and gave up my life to take care of him. A month after my husband died my friends starting urging me to pick up with my life and move on. I asked how after such a short time? My most devout Catholic friend said "You have been a widow for 3 years now", it is your turn to enjoy life and move on. So I did. I met the most amazing man and we started seeing each other. He is also a widower which I thought would make things more level. My son did not react to this news very well. He does not think that even though now it has been 4 months that I should move on with my life. He feels I should stay stagnant and be there only for him. Well after he continued to verbally abuse me, the next turn was the physical. He punched me in the face and said he was doing what he father would have. I filed a restraining order fearing he would do it again. Now I am being painted as the bad one for having courage to try to protect my life. My son is 26 and about to get married in November. But he does not want me to move on with my life. I am asking for prayer. This wonderful man and I have endured alot in the 2 months we have been seeing each other. We thought I had cancer, then we thought he had cancer, and my son issues. Both times God came back with clear on the cancer. But he has stuck by my side and not left me but assures me that he is here for the long term. We have both pledged that we love each other and want to move on. I have done alot of praying on the subject and I believe that God is blessing me with the love of a good man for being faithful and doing the right thing in the time of need. I am asking for healing prayer for my son. His heart needs to deal with the death of his father and with the abuse. I know that if he could see how happy and alive I am with this wonderful man that has pledged to spend the rest of our lives making sure I am never hurt again, that he could possibly heal as well. I know that only God can heal this. Counseling would be great but only God has the power to touch the lives that need to be touched. Please lift our family up and help us to heal and make our way back to being a family again. I have also pledged that I will never be in a relationship with anyone that is not a Christian again. Being the only one going to Church is not what I want ever again. This man is a Christian and we attend together when we can. Right now we are dealing with long distance issues.
I know this is long, but for someone to pray for me they need to know the background so that they understand how to pray. Please pray for God to continue to give me strength every day to put the past away and move forward. Thank you and God Bless
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LTTXN
Posts:3
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Posted:08/14/2006 9:25 AM |
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I was touched by your story. I feel bad for what your son is putting you through. No one deserves to be treated that way.
Even though I am not a trained counselor, I volunteer with children of divorced families. I can't help but notice a few things in your email that jumped out at me. If I read your email correct, you started dating 3 months after your husband's passing. I don’t agree with the people who told you "you were a widow for three years." Most professional counselors would tell you to wait at least a year before getting involved with someone. I can’t help but feel you must have some residual feelings about your whole ordeal. It’s these unresolved feelings that can jeopardize our efforts to “move on”. I recommend people who are recently divorced to take one year to heal. That’s one year from their divorce date. Your perspective will change over time. In your situation, it may change drastically. You have to ask yourself, is it fair to get involved with someone when you have just had to deal with so much? Can you really be objective to opening your heart and letting someone new in? Is your heart ready for another let-down? I am not saying a let-down is coming, but if things don’t work out with you and your new friend, how would that make you feel? I’m sure you would be devastated. Can your heart take that?
As for your son, as I mentioned, he should not be treating you that way, nor should you take that behavior. He’s not a little kid anymore. He’s a grown man. I know you love him and you want to have a better relationship with him, but that may not be possible right now. Your son only knows what he is taught. As men, the men we emulate most are our fathers. I am not advocating your son’s behavior, but the roots of his behavior are evident. He is his father’s son. As his mom, you must accept the fact that he is his own person. No matter what you do or what you want from him, you may never get it. He may be destined for a life of misery due to the example he grew up with. Sometimes as parents, we have to let go. In your case your well-being is at risk.
Keep in mind, even though your husband didn’t exhibit the best traits a good husband should, you must understand that sons love their fathers, sometimes, no matter what. You finding a “New Friend” may be very threatening to your son’s image of his father. Even through all the ugliness, sons love their dads. Your son has his own issues to work out.
All this being said, remember one thing: God can change any situation. You have to believe that there is a purpose in all this. God’s plan in our life is never fully evident. But his path is the correct path. I have learned that firsthand. My family was & continues to be attacked by the evil one all the time. But I take hope in the fact that God must have a big plan for me if the devil wants to pull me of God’s path so bad.
God has a plan for you. God has a plan for your son. Like a mighty sword that must be forged in the fire, beat with the hammer, and honed with the stone before it can be used on battle, so must we be forged in His image. So when the battle comes, we will be sharp enough & strong enough to cut through the enemy’s forces.
Stand firm is God.
Your friend in Christ,
John
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