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johncanalesusa
Posts:52
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Posted:09/05/2006 1:18 AM |
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To all who are wise-er than me,
Help me out with this please.
How do I protect the small group I lead & encourage intamacy in the group?
Is there any thing you would add or take away from the points listed below? and How can I safely introduce these ideas to the group.
My friend Amy at the "PM Verb" down at the Blend coffee shop sent me this in an e-mail:
John,
You were interested in our small group rules, so I will list them below. We have pretty much adopted these from "The Bridge" in Portland, but I know we've added at least one of our own. Their purpose is to protect the emotional, spiritual, etc well-being of the people in our group, so everyone will be "safe" to share and grow. I imagine every group needs to tailor their own rules to suit their own needs, but perhaps we can also open each other's eyes to subtle things that need to be considered but might be overlooked in traditional religious environments. So bear with me if any of these sound unusual or counter-intuituve!
1. Keep secrets. Everything said in the group is 100% confidential.
--If we want people to open up and be honest, confidentiality is a must. People who blab other people's secrets are not safe people to be around.
2. No giving advice. If a group member thinks God has given them some piece of wisdom to say to another person in the group, he/she must ask permission of the group leader after the session is over.
--I don't know about you, but to me nothing hurts more than opening up to a group to share my deepest feelings (and perhaps hurts or doubts) about a topic, then be slammed down by a bunch of advice from people who think they know more than me. They might think they are helping, but what I hear is "You stupid idiot. I can do better than that." In emotional development, people first need to have their emotions validated, someone to say "it is okay to feel what you feel"---especially important in our very emotionally detached culture. While this can look like great weakness to supposedly happy Christians, people who are honest about their feelings (even negative/broken/hurting ones) will have the closest relationships with God in the long run. So this rule is designed to "keep it real." (I will add that there is a place psychologically for "confrontation" and "structuring" which is where someone helps us to re-structure our wayward thought patterns, but this cannot happen if emotions are not first comforted and validated. We feel what we feel, and that should never be pushed aside to be "right.")
3. No quoting scripture at people. (Ask permission from the group leader first.)
--Similar to #2. Christians can unknowingly make other people feel very very small by telling them what to do via scripture references. Validate people's feelings first.
4. Share the time with everybody. No dominating discussion.
--We added this one b/c of problems with one person who wanted to talk the whole time, and other people's needs were being swept aside. We didn't want to throw her out, so we made a new rule to guide her into a better group member.
I should add that group members who break the rules, or in any other way make the group unsafe, will be given a chance to improve, but if the problem is not resolved, will be asked to sit out a few weeks, or indefinitely if need be.
What do you think, John?
I hope your group tonight is a wonderful time of bonding and growth for everyone.
Peace,
Amy
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gfike
Posts:230
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Posted:09/05/2006 9:34 AM |
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Good group dynamics are a delicate dance between truth and grace. There is a lot of wisdom in these rules, but a wise leader will communicate them as "guidelines for group health" rather than "rules" (especially with your age group). A good resource for you is our small group mentors. You can find them under the ministry tab at 'small group'. The new resource page will be up around Sept. 17th. The small group mentors are:
Jim DeGraw
jdegraw@brcc.net
DeAnna Puls
dpuls@sbcglobal.net
Will Mueller
will@willmueller.com
Scott Mitchell
Smitchell76@sbcglobal.net
Bob Loalbo
rloalbo@satx.rr.com
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