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Author   Messages Sort: Oldest First Newest First goose Posts:3 Posted:01/14/2008 11:07 PM Me and my wife have been having problems in our marriage for the past year we have been married for fifteen years we have three children together. I guess it all started three years ago when I did the worste thing a husband can do to his wife and that is cheat on her, I am not proud of what I have done and there is no answer in the world why I did it I could lie and say that she drove me to it but I am just trying to find an excuse to make me feel better. But the question is will it make her feel better? My wife was of course devastated and so was I just to see her pain and saddness tore me apart I knew I had lost the most important thing in a marrage is trust. My wife being the understaning person that she is I guess you could say she forgave me because I never left home I asked for her forgiveness but she told me that I will never trust you again. Last night she told me that she wanted to separate to see if she still wants to be a part of this marriage to be honest it felt really ugly knowing that she does not want to be with me anymore, she said that she needs some time by her self and that she will stay with a freind on Friday, Saturday and be back Sunday before I go to work she also said that right now she does not want to be there when I am there since I work nights I hardly ever see her . When she is out with her friends she goes out to clubs and bars and I am with my children at home. She also said that she has tried to make our marriage work for fifteen years and now she is tired at working at it. Can my marriage be saved I am willing to try anything to make it work I love her so much it hurts. I am confused and hurt I am crying myself to sleep. phillips_susan@att.net (guest) Posted:01/15/2008 7:46 PM Goose with god anything is possible.We have Pastoral Care Team members available after each service. Please cime down and let someone pray with you missmgonzales Posts:1 Posted:07/16/2008 6:53 PM wow... That's tough... I am actually in a similar situation.. I mean on the opposite end of it. I was cheated on, and I love the man very much, but, it has been one year and it feels like I found out yesterday. I just wish I knew what to do to trust him again. The more he gives minute to minute updates the less I trust him. It feels like he is still doing it because he tries so hard to make me think he isn't. I feel like he is using reverse psychology on me. I know he loves me and wants to be with me but I feel like he also needs the thrill of just having someone else even if its just to talk or text. Tell me what he is thinking and how my responses to his explanations affect the relationship from a man's point of view. The nicer he is the more I distrust him and everything he does. I hope everything has worked out for you, I know your message was back in January. Tell me what to do to trust him from a man's point of view, or at least the signs I can look for to figure out if he is sincere or not. KBW Posts:6 Posted:07/22/2008 12:57 AM Miss Gonzales, I am so sorry for what you are going through. My husband cheated on me throughout our entire marriage...9 years. He also had a 4 year affair with a girl 13 years younger than him. There were warning signs everywhere, but he also became an expert at hiding it. Somehow, we stayed together and began counseling. After another year...I discovered the affair never ended and the girl was 6 months pregnant with my husband's child. My world came crashing down...again, but much harder this time. This time, there was no way to keep it in the past...it would now be in my future...forever. We separated. We are back together and doing very well. BRCC has saved our marriage. My husband also had a problem with alcohol and he has been sober since all this came out. BRCC recovery classes helped him with that as well. We do have a relationship with the baby. I love my husband and our children. Some people may think I am crazy for staying, but ironically, I am happier than I have ever been. I finally have a husband for the first time in our marriage. He has repented and I can tell the difference in him from the first time I thought the affair was over to now. There's probably no way you can ever fully know if he is telling the truth. One thing I learned...if the way he is treating you doesn't feel right...than there is possibly something still wrong. You just need to trust the Lord and pray. That's what I did; and it's the only thing that makes me feel better. I will pray for you. goose Posts:3 Posted:07/23/2008 1:50 AM Miss Gonzales, I am sorry that you are going through this I know how painful this must be for you. When I was going through my problems at home I called Brcc and talked to pastor George Fike when I called him and talked to him it was like an angel was right next to me telling me everything is going to work out Mr. Fike prayed for me and my wife and it felt wonderful I have to admit I cried while he prayed for me over the phone because it felt good to hear God's words. I am happy to say that my wife and I have worked things out we are taking things one day at a time. As far as advise on your situation I always belive that trust is very important in a marriage if you can not trust one another all you are doing is hurting your marriage and one another. In your situation I say try to make it work with him take it one day at a time i know it will be hard to trust him but only you know if he is faithful to you everybody makes mistakes as long as you learn from them I will pray for you and call Brcc and ask to speak to a Pastor that will be the best thing you have ever done I hope I helped you in your situation. stacbug Posts:10 Posted:07/27/2008 2:11 PM Yes, what you did was bad, horrible sin and devastating to your wife, God self and family. If your wife is in a "good" place she would begin to act in Love and forgiveness, mercy...but she is hurting and sometimes it's hard to be Loving while we are hurting so badly. I have been through much of this on both ends. If you Love your wife, and know that you married each other because of REAL Love that God describes to us in His word- not "worldly love"...then you do what the Bible says, you endure, protect, hope, trust, persevere...b/c Love NEVER fails! Love Wins! Always...that doesn't mean it will be easy, fast or convenient...You have spent a lot of time hurting, you may have to endure hurt as well by seeing your wife be something you don't want her to be. Go to God with all your desires, confession and be honest with your wife and family more than anything and hold each other accountable. Don't enable your wife to self destruct, b/c now she will be attacked as well even more than before b/c you are trying to "act in Love" which is totally against anything the devil wants- he hates it- so shove it in his face 24/7 how much you Love and honor what God has given you! Don't allow the devil to steal, kill or destroy anymore of your peace, joy and Love! Stay strong, find REAL Christian friends, know you are forgiven, Love yourself and your wife the way the Bible says to and things WILL be better. God uses it ALL for good! Praying for you!
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